Does your favorite band's new single not live up to the hype you had built up for it? Does a certain group you love *cough* Radiohead *cough* refuse to play in your state because of some stupid environmental issue that won't change no matter how big of an asshole they act like? Have you ever paid money to see a hip-hop show? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you have probably been pissed off about music at some point in your life. In short, over the course of this blog, I will detail everything that has pissed me off about music since Christmas, 1994. (The first time I got a CD. Michael Jackson's Dangerous, for reference sake. Was he dangerous? I was eleven at the time. He would've been pretty dangerous to me.) And today, for our first entry, what's pissing me off about music is........
The Guy With Horrible B.O. At Every Concert I've Ever Been To
You know how it goes. You plunk down $25, wait months, sometimes drive a long-ass distance all just to see one of your favorite bands. As the opening band is wrapping up, you find yourself a perfect spot. Then, just as the lights go out (WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!), you catch a whiff of some horrible body odor. I mean nose-burning horrible. It's so bad it makes your fucking toes curl up like the first witch in The Wizard of Oz.
"Well," you say, "Why don't you just move?"
First of all, fuck off for insinuating I didn't think of that. For one, I am in MY SPOT. I just sat through some shitty opening band/dj for 45 minutes to claim it, and I'm not about to let the guy behind me who is yelling all the lyrics (we'll get to him eventually) wander up and claim what's mine. Also, you can move around that floor all you want, once you catch that first whiff of stank, it's in your thoughts AND your nostrils for the night. Only going to the bathroom and pouring bleach in your nostrils (not recommended) is going to get that smell out of there.
Pinpointing where the smell is coming from: Does this help?
Unfortunately, that is a big nooooooo. During a show last November I knew the couple next to me were the culprits. I tried the move-away: no dice, too packed. I tried breathing through my mouth, but then realized the inherent grossness of possibly tasting someone's mutant funk. I tried repeatedly flinging open bottles of water around to possibly shower them but I realized that unless this venue sold soap it wasn't going to help. And that I had just spent $15 on three waters.
Realistically, there is nothing you can do. You just have to sit there and deal with it. So I'm using this forum to ask... Can we all come together and at least throw some deodorant on before going to the show?
(ED Note: I realize that by using this basic template it looks like a four-year-old put this site together, and I promise to work on that)